True friend?

found this cool pic @ deviantart. awesome!

(it's a VERY VERY long post. If you hate real life drama, ignore this post lol)

Anyway, this year been a rough one for me. Shit happens, you try to let go then for some off reasons - they come slapping your face all over again. The more you try to change and not let your anger gets to your head, the more the other half tries to shit on your head. That's how my life is. 

I'll be honest, I had some family issues in the past which caused this ridiculous temper of mine. Because of that, during my early primary school days...I was a bully to some kids which is my friend now. I regret it a lot, I hate the act but not myself. Cos I know, going through all those shit alone with no one to talk to...that was one fucked up kid. Then I grew up (not in height lol) but yeah, went to secondary where I finally am able to fully grasp this thing called 'friend'. I won't say I'm really2 close to them buy you can say, they were friends whom you can trust and confide into when you're having problems. I love them a lot, up till this day though I hardly give a call/text anymore. It's not that I don't want to, but seriously, with such difference in path that we're taking - what is there for us to talk about? I hate awkward silence so I might as well avoid it.

Back to my uni life, it's not easy to leave alone with people whom you hardly know. I was on the defensive side at first (crying on my own during the first few night missing my lil sis's company...yeah we're really2 close) But then things changed when I got really2 close to this 2 house mate of mine. Everything just clicked. We're truthful to each other, we laugh almost to everything (every night for hours and hours, how un-ladylike of us) They're really cool people whom you just want to hangout with all the time. It surprises me how I often talk about them to my course mates or family. Yea, I've just realized about it recently myself.

I guess time and hectic student lifestyle just changes everything you know. But still, I don't let that stop me from having fun with them. We go out for our usual makan and everything but yea, those hangouts just fade away from less to none.

One of my house mate graduated so congrats to her, will miss her annoyance. Still, I'm glad we do keep contact with each other from time to time. Me and my other house mate shifted into a new house and I thought this friendship would last. Well of course, luck is never on my side. I thought us having to share a room would be a great idea cos we could talk like we used to and etc. But you know, I just realized there's nothing much to talk about. Well fine about that.

Then things just got weirder and weirder. She started sleeping at the living room. Yes, she would literally carry her bed outside every night. Her reason was because it was hot in the room. I agreed to it since it is really hot in Melacca and she's just stuck with the ceiling fan which is of no use. Then I thought of solving this heat problem and at the same time making life easier for the both of us - installing air-cond! Damn it would be cold then so she don't need to do those burdening stuff every night. But ya noe what? Even after the installation, she still did the same routine every night lol. Okla fine with that, maybe she started to love sleeping outside. Who am I to question such thing anyway.

What do you know....another house mate drama between her, and 2 more house mates. To cut it short, one of them left and she decided to shift into this new room. I'm happy for her cos having your own room means privacy and everything. I'm starting to like this whole idea of having your own room too lol. But its weird that since she got that room, she never did those routine anymore. Maybe that particular room is very windy, cooling...idk =\ but she never do that anymore. My question is why? Why when she was staying in a room with me...she need to do that?? My only conclusion is that, maybe cos I sleep with the lights on so she isn't comfortable with that. But if that's the case, why didn't she tell me anything? I told her from day one since we met that if anything is on your mind - tell me straight. We are sharing a room, so I can't have everything my way isn't it? If she would've just told me, I would just buy myself a table lamp and sleep with the light on. Seriously, I don't mind doing that cos we're friends, room mate...friends. 

Aite, fine with that, I just ignored it. Maybe it was just my usual bad assumptions on stuff; periods or whatever...I considered it all and used it as an excuse. Now that she's living in her own cubicle space, it's even harder to see her these days. From time to time, I would like to hangout with her by going out to eat and all but she wouldn't want to. She would rather cook and eat at home. I understand that as she might be having financial difficulty. But I just can't accept it when I want to treat her for a meal for her BIRTHDAY...her excuse was, "I don't want to cos I got nasi bungkus at home already..." I mean, come on la...your friend wants to treat you for your birthday?! Trust me, if I'm those type of person who expect the person whom i'm treating to pay for herself - yeap, I'm a jerk. But nope, never done that nor did it ever cross my mind at all.

Despite many endless effort of trying to convince her to let me...nope, she wouldn't budge. Then I'm like, ok. FINE. We walked back to the car (well I was very pissed). At first I decided to just drop it and keep my big mouth shut but knowing myself...I wouldn't let it go and questioned her on various issues. Who am I to you? Do you even think I'm your friend?? Bla bla bla, same old shit. I thought everything was fine, we hugged and everything...I was very happy but nah you'd think shit would end that quick?

to be continued..